NOT GONNA GO T'SOME STUPID FESTIVAL.

RE: Sunagakure Council of Elders:

These're my balls. Suck 'em. Fall's comin' in Konoha an' that means cold. I don't DO cold. Find someone else t'look pretty for th' other countries (I vote Temari); I'm gettin' hitched for you bastards. Don't push your luck. You all might've been great nin back in th' day, but one good push an' your hips'll snap. You're real fragile an' top-heavy. Th' tower's got a lotta stairs.

Looks like nothin' really changed when I was out in th' desert doin' my thing. I return crabbier, tanner, smellier, an' maybe even a lil' stronger. It's a tossup, since I'm pretty damn dehydrated an' I feel all---all wrung out. S'weird.

For th' record: haven't been mopin', not up ta talkin', not buyin' th' first round, enough said. PS, anyone willin' ta read over a coupla chapters of Cankuroh an' Buta: Th' Death of th' Swine for me? It's a real page-turner.

Gaara, never mind th' note I left you. Get th' marriage set up. I don't give a shit. If I don't have a choice, I don't fuckin' have a choice. I get it. I need...a break. Nurses cleared me an' shit, so I'm gonna be out trainin' for a while. I'll be back eventually, unless I die of dehydration an' shit.

It's jus' a fuckin' woman. Her name's Umeko. She's quiet. Real pretty. Civilian---c'n you believe it? Me an' a civilian. She doesn't have a CLUE what I do in th' field.

I'm gonna walk all over her, an' the council won't even care so long as we smile good for th' villagers an' that pretty face don't end up too bruised. She'll be my property, after all, an' a man c'n do whatever he wants t'do with his property.

It didn't take th' council long, now did it. I almost gotta wonder WHERE they found her. Apparently, she's got a helluva lot of money an' she hasn't heard anythin' but good things 'bout me.

Gettin' married in November.

Gaara? We need ta talk.

NOW.

Oh fine. Sure. You all go out an' drink when I've VOWED TA TH' NURSES that I won't drink 'til I'm off painkillers.

THANKS FOR MAKIN' ME FEEL LIKE ONE OF TH' GROUP.

I'm up an' about again. An' sober, ta boot! Whaddya know. Sober enough t'find that scorpion left in my bed this mornin'---who's keen on killin' me now? Thankfully, th' little bugger decided not ta ADD ta th' poison I've got in my system already, an' I caught it, milked it, an' named it Supatto an' put it in a lil' box. So, cute attempt would-be killer: cute, but you gotta get up pretty early in th' mornin' t'outwit me.

Speakin' of early in th' mornin', I need ta catch you before your meetin's tomorrow, Gaara. I wanted t'know how things've been goin' in that search for that little stuffed fox you lost. Y'know th' one I'm talkin' 'bout---scrawny, squinty, kinda ugly? I hear th' fox is bein' missed in Konoha, so I need ta talk t'you 'bout what you want my department t'do about it.

Uh. An'. Uh. Ino.

...

I dunno what t'say ta you, but I thought I should at least mention you. So hi.

See in suna, aftercare is puttin' th' patient in their own bed 'cause th' hospital fills up too damned quick an' they need th' space so other people c'n die in a clean bed with sheets an' shit.

so yeah. Movin' back ta my room tomorrow.

this palmwine's cALLING MY NAME TONIGHT. IT SAYS KANKUROU YOU JACKASS IM YOUR BEST FRIEND an' I say yes bottle of palmwine-san you are my only friend :(

shh I'm not s'posed ta wake Neji up. HE'LL PROLLY BE GRUMPY

Sai.

Stop readin' my mail. I don't care if you're sp'osed ta 'r not; don't mail me back.

I mail letters ta Ino 'cause I wanna talk ta her. You...

Unless you're buyin' th' first couple rounds when I get back, no more letters.

So knittin's not as bad as I thought it'd be. I mean, I work with strings ev'ry day; this en't nothin' new by my count. It's pretty damn easy, an' it's somethin' ta do.






missionpleasei'monmygoddamnknees.

Gaara. Missions. Please. I'm goin' nuts without anythin' ta do.

I've been takin' in some of my pants. Guess I lost weight in Konoha. Go figure. Must've been Ino's cookin'---shit was damn well inedible, even for my stomach. And yeah, I've got mild poisons in my face paints ta increase my body's resistance ta shit like that, so I'm sayin' somethin'.

I miss my cat. An' I don't even like cats.

OI, ROKUDAIME. Dinnit you make some kinda rule that said Ino en't 'lowed ta drink no more? 'Cause I distinctly 'member havin' that conversation with you.

AN' TH' BITCH WENT AN' BROKE TH' RULE.

So here's th' story. Ino says "KANKUROU I'MA GONNA GO GET DRUNK WITH POINTY-WEAPON-WOMAN," an' so I say okay, so long as you en't plannin' on molestin' me when you get back. Like last time, an' all.

Ino comes back a coupla hours later in her underthings, blazin' an' singin' some bullshitty song 'bout youth an' sparkles that Pointy-Weapon-Woman sp'osedly taught her. Bein' the gentleman I am, I throw a blanket at her an' tell her ta sit down 'fore she upchucks, right? I'm thinkin' she's got alcohol poisonin', most like. I get her some water, an' she spills it all over my pants. I count ta ten in my head, cool down a little. 'Cause yeah, I was pissed off.

...Ino was real drunk. I mean, staggeringly drunk. She was all...eeeeh. I'll cut this next bit o' explanation, seein' as I can prolly hold it over her head as blackmail later on. Let's jus' say there was a lotta rubbin' goin' on on th' couch, an' it ends up with her half-fallin' asleep in my lap.

An' then she pukes. All over my...crotchial region.

I didn't lose my temper. In fact, I cleaned Pukey-Pants up inna real professional manner, an' put her ta bed after I made her drink a couple glasses of water. Tem, this is where you laud me as a fuckin' saint.

'Cause I am. Not gonna lie.

In other news, I found a cat. I'm keepin' it. I named it Cat.

GAARA. MISSION. PLEASE. IF YOU'VE GOT ANY FRATERNAL LOVE IN YOUR BODY, YOU'D SEND ME ON A MISSION.

So. Fuckin'. Humid.

...


Losin' this much salt an' moisture through sweat en't healthy. How d'you Leafies not...shrivel up an' shit?

( Private to Gaara )

So long as I stay on th' couch an' keep my books ta myself, I should heal up okay.

Gaara.

I. Uh. I'll need a week of recoup.

It's a long story.

( Wrote this on th' back of a mission report home today... )

I think it's a good start.

( Private )

When I imagined what'd it be like ta share a small apartment with three hot kunoichi, there was a lot more wild debauchery an' a lot less physical labor involved. An' my sister wouldn't be one of the hot kunoichi, 'cause there's rules against that kinda shit in Konoha, right? Not so much in Suna, but I en't THAT HARD UP.

Sore. All over.

Drinkin' was pretty nice, though. Haven't done that in a while, an' it's not like you Leafies don't deserve a drink or ten.

So goddamn humid here. Smells, too. My back's sore from carryin' lumber all day, an' I've been sweatin' like you wouldn't believe...you bastard's better appreciate my hard work.

It's better than doin' all the secretarial shit Gaara refuses to paperwork at home. Maybe I'll work off some weight while I'm here---in pure sweat.

( Private )